life is a ticking clock

This is one of those occasions where there is too much in my head to allow me to make a coherent post, so this here is going to be one of those stews of random thoughts, or as unclebillybob calls it, slumgullion.

(Random Thought 1)  I feel like crap. Still having dizzy spells, although they are not usually so severe. The shortness of breath is worse. I get winded walking the length of the house. Shopping is so hard. Actually, standing up to let the dogs out is hard, not because of dizziness or breathlessness, but because I am just weak. So weak, I can't glet yo unless I have something to push up off of. Mr Moth put a hillbilly board in the sofa to make it easier, but still.

(RT2)  One more week until school starts again. I really don't want to. I'm not sure why I'm still planning to, considering how much I don't want to.  Or maybe I am sure why.

(RT3) A while back, in my last remaining writing group, in which I barely participate because I don't really write anymore except for here on LJ, the discussion turned to, "Why do you write? What drives you?" Now the real answer to why I write (wrote) fiction is, control.  But as for why I never quite pack up my doll dishes and go home, well, that slightly different question required a metaphor.

If you've ever read Where the Red Fern Grows, you may recall a part where the protagonist Billy (I think his name is) needs to catch a raccoon with which to train his new coon hounds, so his father builds a trap, which I am going to describe here, and if you consider such things spoilers, now is the time to move along. Same goes for if you consider calling raccoons coons racist, which I admit I find ridiculous and can't believe anyone actually does.

Anyway, the coon trap involves a hole drilled in a log, and two nails driven into the log at an angle, and a bit of shiny tin dropped in the bottom of the hole. As the story goes, the coon reaches in to grab the shiny, and can't get it's paw, now expanded into a fist, out past the nails. So it just sits there clutching the shiny while someone comes up and clubs it to death.

Why on earth did I ever love that book, I have no idea, but anyhow...

I am that coon, and I have been clubbed to death while hanging onto many shinies, yet somehow I do not learn.

(RT4) I had four weeks off between semesters, and on the first week I had the doc (CNP), the dentist, and the OB/GYN. Plus Zor had an appointment.  The second week was the oral surgeon, Zor's birthday, and Christmas. This has been the third week, and I had a cooter cam ultrasound and a last minute chest x-ray, plus the dogs' annual and shamefully late vet appointment, plus a trip to the school to straighten out Zor's financial aid.  This upcoming week I have a follow up with the OB/GYN (I love how he turned one free checkup into three office visits) and the pulmonologist (which I am for some reason terrified of) and Zor has two various appointments plus one (at the same OB/GYN office) pending the arrival of her depo shot by mail. There is also a trip to the school bookstore to make, and the feed store.

I feel like crappy things ate up too much of my break and, in fact, I didn't get a break, or accomplish anything much either.

(RT5) Zor calls the OB/GYN office The Vagina House, which cracks me up.

(RT6) Zor just turned 22 and has her driving permit. If she got her license, I might have less driving to do, but she doesn't have a car and I am not super cool with letting anyone use my vehicle ever, including my husband, who technically paid for it. Nobody takes care of my stuff right/like I do, and I don't like to share. Pretty sure I blogged about my inability to share a while ago, so no need to revisit the topic.

I do realize this, in the eyes of many, means I have chosen to do a lot of extra errands, but to me, it is not actually a choice. Especially when I count up the number of my friends who went for long periods of time without a vehicle because their children destroyed cars they could not afford to replace.

(RT7) So Mr Moth is on a five-day weekend, and they are in the post-holiday lull before school milk starts again so there's no overtime available. We are using this time to get some things done around the house. You know, the things he can't find time for, sometimes for years at a time.  For example, our house is brick. He has been painting the window trim for three years. Of course painting window trim in January is a no.

Last year over winter break we tore out the ckatten-shredded wallpaper,installed the half brick, assembled a new tv stand, set up the new TV, and painted half the living area/hall.

While it may not be obvious from this picture, the wall above the brick is a kind of peachy color (Mr Moth chose it), the other side of the hall is a completely different shade of peach, more of an apricot really, and the other side of the living room is still white. So today's plan is to finish peaching things up in the living room.

Other house plans are to nag him until he cleans up the pigsty he has created in the basement common area (he is allowed to pigsty up his office down there if he so chooses, just as long as I don't have to look at it) and to replace the overhead lights in the galley kitchen and dining areas with a matching pair, and to move the existing fixture from the kitchen to The Keep, and to replace the non-working closet fixtures in the closets in both our bedroom and The Keep.

So far our bedroom closet is the only one of those done.

The light fixture project is one of those deals that has snowballed.  He wanted to replace the chandelier over the table because the sockets are gritty and weird and loose, and I couldn't find anything he liked or that matched the kitchen one.  I wanted a new light for The Keep because it is dark like a dungeon in here and I have vision challenges.

We'll see how much we get done.

(RT8) We've been experimenting with the LED bulbs. The cheapest ones are $8 per, so I've been replacing them a few at a time.  Fixtures and bulbs all together came to $125, but that includes repurposing the old kitchen light in here.

(RT9) I mentioned above, I think, taking the pups to the vet. They're both fine, although Cobie always drags for a day or two after shots. Every time I go and see that big red sticker on his folder, "MAY BITE," it breaks my heart a little. But...he may. I don't actually think he would; he's not mean, he's fearful. That's not his fault. And he's king of the warning snaps--he air snaps in the general direction of whatever is alarming him. But it's not their fault either, and I do want them to be safe.

This time he came out smelling like somebody's perfume. He kept going outside and sitting in the rain. I think he was trying to take a shower. Poor Cobie.

(RT10) There is a spot in the hall that looks like a spider in the dark, at least it does if you have an astigmatism and aren't wearing your glasses. I wonder if I will miss that spot.

(RT11) There are sure a lot of dog toys under the sofa. It is like doggie Christmas in there.
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I worry about your inability to walk from one end of the house to the other. Have they done an EEG or ECG or whatever the h-e-double toothpicks the call the sound of the heart. And please don't be afraid of the pulmonologist. Fred's is wonderful and has done so much for us!

Duke doesn't bite, and I don't know if he would. He's a runner, not a fighter. MOST of the time. I wonder what he would do if he was faced with a real threat.
Re: Worry
Cobie is also a runner, but at the vet he can't get away, so he airsnaps. :(

And yes, the ekg'ed me weeks and weeks ago. (I did post about it on fb, but I'm assuming you didn't see it or forgot because you have a life 'n stuff, lol.)
1) I think your half-brick is beautiful! Good job! Our living room is peach, too, a soft, pale shade, that goes with the brown brick fireplace where the wood stove is installed; 2) Please keep writing; 3) I so hope you feel better soon.
You'll notice that the bait that ultimately traps the coon is something that would serve it no purpose, even if it were to get it's paw and the shiny free? I, too, have many shinies I need to let go of.

I love the half brick! My house is white on white, with the exception of the bannister which has brown highlights. A very boring motif. I need to do something about that, one of these days.

Vagina House. I'm surprised there has never been a gyno courageous enough to put that on his shingle. Or an even more courageous restauranteur.....

I truly hope you're able to get all of your medical issues ironed out. (I, too, have to push off of the chair to stand up, and I have to keep the chair close enough to the mantle so I have something to grab ahold of to keep me there, once I'm up. It's not so much dizziness with me, it's just shitty ankles.)

Edited at 2015-01-05 07:40 pm (UTC)
I had not actually thought about that, re the value of the shiny. That is something to think about in the future when evaluating shinies.